(Monday, October 30, 2006/9:47 PM)
Confusion
A few years back, I remember watching this movie about some epidemic thing. All the people in the fictional city were wishing for a miracle to happen, and it did. And now, I'm wishing for my miracle too, but it just refuses to emerge from that deep hole in the ground. But one day I'm sure that hole will be wide enough for me to drop a bucket down and fish it up, just like water from a dry well.
As adapted from the last week of chapel on thanksgiving, I have some additions to make to the "thank" list:
Be thankful for not wanting to go back home, because it shows you have a family.
Be thankful for all those tears you've shed after getting scolded, because it shows that you're gonna do the right thing.
Be thankful for your heart, broken and shattered into a million pieces, because it shows that you have emotion.
Be thankful for going to school on 1st day of holiday, because it shows that you are needed.
Be thankful for never saying a word, because it shows that you have people worrying about you silently.
Be thankful for that bloody bright orange not-matching blogskin, because someone might have liked it better that way while it lasted.
Be thankful for all the problems in this flat-rounded world, because it shows that there will be solutions.
Be thankful for not knowing the 987FM sms number when its just that question when you know the answer, because it means that you have a target to chase after even if it means you have lost.
Be thankful for switching from mp3 to radio and hearing the continuation of "Welcome to the Black Parade" as it was when you stopped your mp3, because it shows that fate is there and fate watches over you.
Be thankful for when you don't get the thing you want or aim for so desperately, because it shows that it has been left for another time, and that all the other stuff that you don't want is deemed fit for you at this point in time.
Be thankful for when you get a call when you're trying to down this imminent big boss with 19 other people, because it shows that friends are always there for you.
Be thankful for all the nagging, because it shows that you're not deaf yet.
Be thankful for that relationship that just suddenly cut off, because it shows that you've helped someone but that someone just didn't want anymore help.
Be thankful for all that endless chasing that never works out in the end, because it shows that you're capable of portraying desparation.
Be thankful for that Math retest you're mugging for, because it shows that you can pass with determination.
Be thankful for all the failures, all the crap that doesn't work out, because it shows that you've tried.
Be thankful for feeling depressed, dismayed, sorrowful, because it shows that you haven't ended your life pointlessly with suicide.
Be thankful for looking at this post because it shows that you're not blind.
Lastly, be thankful for everything good and bad, happy and sad, joy and sorrow, ecstacy and depression, because it means that you're a living human being, you can express and feel emotion, and that you're special.
Somtimes miracles don't come because the tunnel is not lighted up. But just tiny spark, and we can see, the light at the end of the tunnel, the beautiful white arch, and the rainbow of seven colours. When we blink once, everything disppears because we've just put ourselves into another tunnel, so just continue and we'll get to that rainbow, eventually.